i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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