just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
