you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
