so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
