Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We need a shit load of segways right now
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
