WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
