I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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