i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My brain says no but my pants say off.
You smell like stripper and shame
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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