why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
