My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
