This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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