tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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