so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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