Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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