last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
