and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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