I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
