I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I skipped work to stalk him.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
This is the high leading the old right now
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
