Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
