shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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