we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
