I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
