dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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