This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
