Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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