Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
apparently the secret to your success is patron
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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