I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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