I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
