you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
