looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
