Cold hands, warm shart.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
