I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
