i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
