you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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