i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
