how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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