We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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