you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
