he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
