Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
