I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
