i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I have aggressive nipples.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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