there was a trapeze. enough said
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
