I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
