I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
