Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
They took my balls.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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