Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
