Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We're too hungover to prance.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
