They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
