i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
