hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
