I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
