walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
