i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
it glows. i had to have it.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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