I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
