She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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